The Ugly Side

There is an ugly side to many marriages most of us encounter at some point in our lives..... divorce. I've been encountering the d word more and more with every couple Julie and I become friends with. I even have a few family members that don't seem to be immune to divorce.

This truly is an epidemic that our country is facing and there is no end in sight. It tears families apart and dries a thick line through the sand between wrong and wrong. Some cases are more drastic than others, but to be so petty and selfish to destroy an entire family that was built on a rock, which quickly turned to a sand is ridunculous.

Where exactly do things take a turn for the worse? Is it the husband that becomes disinterested in his wife or is it the wife that doesn't feel emotionally connected? Is it possible to turn back once a couple sniffs the freedom after talking about separation? I think much of the problem is the church attendance log. Many couples aren't built to last because they haven't started in the right place. However, it is possible, through close friends, to be grounded in the church then to lose faith in God and each other.

Leaning on the edge of preachy, it is hard for me to imagine a life without Julie and Jett. They are my family and in many ways my driving force behind who I am. to turn my back on them would be an insult to God. He lined them up for me and that is exactly what I intend to do - see this to the end.

Marriages do work in our country and can stand the test of trials and turmoil, but only if they continue to be strong on faith in God.

Alone

Last night was my Aunt's first night alone since my uncle passed away. I wanted to drive out and stay with her, but I know she must begin this journey by herself. I know she can do it, but it will be such an adjustment without my Uncle being there to care for her.

When a person encounters death around him/her it really gets you to start thinking about your own mortality and what lies ahead for your family. I have been thinking about what ifs and what would life be like if I wasn't here? It is horrible to think, but we must live with the realization that this body is only temporary. I honestly stand in the exact footsteps that my aunt stood in years ago; not able to comprehend what life would hold without their spouse.

I have come to the point where I don't think I could manage everyday life without Julie. She is the rock that I lean against and that is a bit scary to think about. I know that she will out live me though. She just has that kind of fight in her. Plus, good looks get you farther down the line I'm sure.

Please pray for my aunt that she will continue to be strong and find meaning amidst the confusion.

New Songs and New Thoughts

You will notice a few songs have been deleted and some that have been added. They are by design a reflection of what is going on in my life right now. Deleting a few songs, I found a release that I've needed. Those songs reminded me of the sadness I've felt for my Uncle Kim and the loss of my Grandpa. I still feel the sadness, but I know they are in a far better place where pain does not creep in to steal away their joy.

The new songs are an outlook of better things on the horizon. They are a call to better myself in all areas of my life. Changing the way I think, they will drive me throughout my days.

Yesterday at my church they began a drive, actually about a week ago, that has left me questioning the leadership and guidance of the members. One of the lines in the bulletin is "Empowering a community to end generational poverty. Yet, where it ask a person where to give it gives you the option to give from a credit card. Does this seem wrong to anybody but me? How can we empower people to live a life without poverty when the biggest form of poverty is debt? Our church even did a message over Dave Ramsey. I am appalled that we would ask someone to go into debt over an event that is attempting to rid a community of its financial woes.

God is really speaking to me to voice my concern. I know it will upset some people, but I need some clarification as to why we would ask for this. I love our church. This is where God has called us.

Dude Layout

So my new layout seems a bit girly, but it is the closest layout that I could find that looks remotely close to what dudes like. Last night at our small group we talked about what the church is doing and the grand ideas that they come up with and expect us to flood extra cash towards.

It is kind of sickening when they ask to funnel money to mission trips or to redo the lobby, which is only two years old. It seems petty and kind of pointless to refinish and buy new play tubes that the new hasn't been rubbed off yet? Maybe it is just me. I would rather them use that money to witness throughout the community, not build a better image. It is what we do on the outside that matters most. They preach that, but never really comes out right in the end. We also never really hear how these projects turn out.

You will never find the perfect church. There will be issues with any affiliation that you may partake, but stick on a path and see it through.

Peace

I am finding peace throughout my days. My chest is feeling much better and I am a bit less emotional. I know it is odd for a guy to discuss his emotions, but it would be crazy to keep them all inside. I try to be strong for my family and the rock they need, but sometimes it is okay to let your fences down.

My mom asked me if I would like my grandfather's bomber jacket that he received as a gift last year. I feel weird latching on to it, but I would love to have something of his to be able to wear and remember him by. I understand the importance of memories and photos, but sometimes you need something to hold.

I've missed church for the past month it seems and it is really nagging at me. I will be there this week. I love hunting and all, but God has me on this earth to witness and I don't feel like I have been doing my part, sorry about that God. I will do better.

Long List of Goodbyes

The grieving process has taken its toll on my body. I really feel drained and my chest has been hurting more when I get stressed out. It is hard to say goodbye to the ones you love. But, if you think back to the great times that you've had with them it takes away a bit of the sadness.

I've been coping with it pretty good I guess. My wife has been great throughout the whole ordeal. It was a whirlwind adventure trying to wrangle a one-year old tornado while on an airplane, but we managed just fine. My wife is so great. She does all the heavy down and dirty work.

I went out hunting a few days this weekend and shot a few does. Nothing major, but I love getting out and connecting with the outdoors. There is just something about being able to breathe the fresh air and not have the buzz of traffic or the ringing cell phone going off every five seconds.

I really can't wait till my son gets to enjoy the same thing I do.